This is a short WHI love story for Scott. The setting is shortly after he was kidnapped and shot by Jed Lewis. Warning – he's now married. The usual disclaimers apply here – didn't create the characters, no money has changed hands, wish the series had continued. My gratitude to Coop for her patient beta knows no bounds.
I CROSS MY HEART
Our love is unconditional
We knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes
You can feel it from my heart.
From here on after, let's stay the
way we are right now
And share all the love and laughter
that a lifetime will allow.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make
all your dreams come true.
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine.
You will always be the miracle that makes
my life complete
And as long as there's a breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future,
It's as far as we can see.
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be.
I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all
your dreams come true.
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine.
And if along the way we find the day it starts to storm
You got the promise of my love
To keep you warm.
In all the world, you'll never find
A love as true as mine
A love as true as mine.
George Strait
Laura MacNeill Lancer bent over the pattern book at Mrs. Fowler's dress shop, intently perusing the latest fashions from back East. Nearly five months pregnant with her first child, she was imminently in need of dresses that would fit her expanding waistline. The trip to Green River for yarn and yard goods for baby clothes, and to order her new dresses, had been delightful so far. Breakfast that morning had taken on a celebratory mood. Johnny had pulled her aside, and pressing a few dollars into her hand, had told her to buy "somethin' nice" for his "new nephew." Scott, overhearing his comments had laughed that it "could very well be a new niece." Murdoch sipped his coffee and wisely refrained from declaring any preferences. He still found it remarkable that an educated, lovely young woman from Boston had managed thus far to adapt to life as a cattle rancher's wife in the wilds of California. He marvelled at how Laura's close relationship with Johnny had been sealed over the last few months. It was Johnny who had found her laying face down in the mud after a horrific fall from a horse during a violent storm in January. Johnny who had sat with her during those long, heartbreaking nights when they didn't know if Scott would recover from the bullet wound in his shoulder, courtesy of Jed Lewis. And it was Johnny who had figured out why Laura had been unable to keep her breakfast down after Sarah Cassidy's disturbing visit to Lancer several weeks before.
Scott, finally strong enough to venture out, had been all too eager to escort Laura and Teresa to town. In fact, everyone else at the ranch was eager for him to take a day away as well. With his enforced inactivity, Scott had reverted to the cavalry officer he once was, barking at everyone from Johnny down to Murdoch's dog. With only one usable arm, he had chosen to ride his horse, Quincy, into Green River, leaving the buggy driving to Laura and Teresa.
The ladies had picked over and chosen enough yarn and fabrics from the general store to outfit a prince, Scott had jokingly remarked. Lunch at the hotel had been a welcome respite from the hot, dusty street and the mid-day sun. Teresa had reviewed their extensive shopping list in detail. Now, there were only a few patterns to choose and the fabric to go with them. Scott could pick up the finished dresses on a return trip to Green River in a few weeks.
Laura glanced over at her husband, leaning against the wall next to the door. After nearly a year of marriage, Scott still took her breath away. She never ceased to wonder at the miracle that had brought them back together after so many years apart. Scott looked up, and she caught his eye.
"Come look at this dress, Scott. I want to see what you think."
"I'm sure it'll be fine. You'll look beautiful in whatever you wear."
"In other words, you're bored out of your mind. Teresa, there stands a man who can take a hour to choose a shirt and cravat in San Francisco, but choosing a lady's dress is beyond him."
Teresa giggled, but wisely decided to stay out of that discussion.
"Mmmm...I think you're right about that, Laura," the tall blond replied, stretching and rubbing his eyes with his good hand. "Besides, I know better than to try to argue with you! While you two finish up here, I think I'll retrieve the buggy and team from the livery and maybe go have a cold beer across the street. I'll leave the buggy out front. When you're ready to go, just come on outside and I'll look for you. Do try not to take too long -- it'll be nearly dark before we get home as it is. Ladies...." Tipping his hat, Scott strode out of the dress shop.
"Oh, Teresa! What was I thinking?" Laura chuckled.
"Did you really expect him to pore over the patterns with you, Laura? I've lived with one Lancer or another all my life....it's just not in them to give a thought to women's clothing. Now, if it was a bull or a horse or a gun, you might get their attention......"
Laura secretly thought that, if it was a ball gown, Scott might be more intrigued. Cousin Lily did tell me that she felt "strange" when she was pregnant -- wondered if she was still attractive--thought everyone else looked a lot prettier. Laura tried to shake off the sudden somber mood that had enveloped her. Why did she suddenly feel so insecure? Scott was constantly telling her how much he loved her, how beautiful she was carrying his child. Maybe a bright-colored skirt would be just the thing to perk her up.
"Look at this fabric, Teresa. Do you think it's too, well, pink?" Laura held up a salmon-colored swatch.
Teresa sniggered, "Actually, it's about the color of Johnny's shirt! I think you should buy that! Johnny'll love it!"
Their dress shopping completed with a great deal of laughter and sisterly teasing, the two ladies strolled out of the shop arm-in-arm and onto the boardwalk. The buggy was already at the rail as promised, with the assorted packages from the general store carefully stowed under the seat. Laura looked across the street toward the saloon to see if Scott had come out yet. And her heart caught in her throat. He was indeed out of the saloon -- and tightly held in the arms of a garishly overdressed, over-made-up redhead. The woman's coarse laughter and harsh voice carried across the street.
"Well, Scott Lancer! I haven't seen you and that handsome brother of yours in just ages! When are you going to come visit me in Sacramento? I promise you it'll be worth it!"
Scott was smiling.....that smile that left her weak in the knees.
How could he? How dare he carry on with that brazen woman like that? What would people think? It was as though time stood still. The noises of the street faded as if she was in a dream. Tears filling her eyes to overflowing, Laura pulled away from Teresa and ran to the buggy. Somehow, despite her voluminous skirts and petticoats, she managed to climb up. Barely waiting for Teresa to find her own seat, and in spite of her pleading for her to stop, Laura grabbed up the lines and the whip. Laying the whip onto the team, she cried to them, "Get up.....Go....Just go.....!"
The horses responded, jolting Teresa almost out of her seat, and moving far faster than was safe in the crowded street. Laura was beyond caring -- beyond caring if she hit something, someone, anything. She just needed to get away from the vision of her husband, her Scott, laughing in another woman's arms. She heard him shout her name, but nothing was really connecting. Blinded by her tears, she pushed the team faster.
The road from Green River to Lancer was generally straight, at first. Laura drove the team on, driving from instinct rather than good attention. She thought she heard Scott yell for her again, but she couldn't be sure. Teresa grabbed her arm, hanging on to the seat as best she could.
"Laura, slow down! The horses can't take this road that fast! Please!"
She finally heard the hoofbeats of a horse behind her and Scott's frantic screaming. "Laura stop the buggy! NOW!"
She hauled back on the reins, only to realize that there was little response from the team. Ecstatic with their chance to run after a day spent standing in the livery, the usually well-behaved bays were simply not ready to stop. They pulled back, nearly pulling Laura's shoulders out of joint. Realizing too late her mistake, she almost panicked. Her arms felt like there was no strength left in them. Teresa couldn't maintain her balance well enough to take the reins herself. Scott, recognizing the gravity of the situation, spurred Quincy forward. Holding his reins in his injured left arm, he managed to grab the lines of the horse nearest to him. Slowly, but surely, the team finally came to a standstill.
"Just what in the hell did you think you were doing?" Scott yelled at his wife while attempting to keep his own horse under control. "Do you have any clue the kind of danger you just put yourself and our baby in? Not to mention Teresa!"
"Please....home.....I think I'm going to be.....sick." Laura leaned over the edge of the buggy, and promptly lost her lunch.
Scott started to get down from his horse to go to her aid.
"No!" she persisted, "please -- I need to go home!"
The remainder of the trip was completed in an uncomfortable silence -- with Teresa handling the lines. Laura didn't think she'd ever suffered through quite so long a ride.
As the buggy drew up in front of the house, Murdoch stepped off the porch to greet his children. "Welcome home! I trust you had a successful...." As he helped Laura down, she turned a very white face toward him, sobbed, and ran for the front door. She needed a cold cloth on her face, a cool and dark place to rest, a place she could be sick without feeling embarrassed.
"What'd ya do to her THIS time, Boston?" Johnny questioned as he passed Laura on the porch. He tried to take her arm to steady her, but she shook her head frantically, put her hand to her mouth, and kept going.
"Shut up, Johnny", growled his brother, "Stay out of it."
"Well, brother, I just hate ta see my sister-in-law lookin' like that."
"I asked you to shut up, Johnny -- and keep your big mouth out of it. It's between Laura and I."
"Scott...", Murdoch started to caution. He received a penetrating stare from his older son in response.
"If you'll excuse me, sir, I think my wife needs me." With that, Scott turned on his heel and walked into the house.
Laura locked the bedroom door behind her, running for the washbasin As she sat down in the chair, she tried to figure out how things had gone so badly so quickly. She knew she had completely overreacted, but damn it, it just hurt so much! The Scott she had known in Boston would have been polite to a woman like that, but he sure as hell wouldn't have embraced her in public. He wouldn't have tolerated the blatant suggestion the hussy had made. Had he changed that much? Did he find her increasing size unattractive? Did she really know him as well as she thought she did? She and Scott had grown up together, but recently there had been far too many years apart. Her reverie was broken by the sound of Scott's fist slamming into the heavy oak door.
"Laura, open the door." She just didn't feel like her feet could move. Sitting with her head bent over the washbasin, she felt completely drained.
"Laura, please open the door -- I'm worried about you. We need to talk -- now." There was that word, "now", again. Couldn't he please just let her be sick in private before he came knocking on the door?
As the wave of nausea passed, she pulled herself to her feet and went to unlock the door.
As he entered their room, Laura noticed that his eyes were the peculiar shade of slate gray they turned when he was upset.
"Obviously, we need to talk. That's an understatement. Look at me." Scott gently put his hand under his wife's chin and tilted her face so that her eyes met his. "Why did you run like that? Why would you jeopardize not only your life and our baby's, but Teresa's as well?"
"Perhaps it was seeing you in the arms of that woman?" Laura whispered. "Who is she, Scott -- an old lover? She certainly seemed to know you -- and Johnny -- quite well! I know there were other women, Scott. I'm not that naive. But did you have to flaunt one in my face -- in front of the entire town? When I'm expecting your child?"
"I wasn't flaunting anything, Laura. If you had stayed long enough, I would have introduced you to her. The lady's name is Celia Donovan. She saved my life one night."
"Saved your life? How?"
"I was in Green River late one night finishing up some business for the ranch. I stopped at the saloon for a beer before riding home. And yes, Celia did work at the saloon then. Several ex-Confederate drifters took offense at my accent. They followed me out and, well, took out their vengeance on me. Celia found me in the street, badly beaten, got me to the doctor, and sent a rider out to let Murdoch know what had happened. As a way of thanking her, I gave her the start-up money she needed to buy a restaurant in Sacramento. Johnny and I eat at her place when we're up there on business. She's done quite well for herself."
"And now," he continued, "maybe we do need to talk about the 'other women'."
"Scott, I....," Laura started.
"No, I think maybe you need to hear this. We need to clear the air so that you don't spend the next 50 years wondering. I'm not a saint, Laura. I never pretended to be. You know that. But there was never really anyone but you. When your father sent you away from Boston, I almost lost my mind. Part of the reason I joined the Army was to try to get away from my memories of you. And then, I came back from the War, hoping and praying that you were back and that your father could see me as more than just Harlan Garrett's grandson -- but you weren't back, and he wouldn't tell me where you were. It all seemed so hopeless and futile. I almost made the mistake of marrying Julie, trying to make her you. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to any of those ladies -- the lips I kissed were yours and the arms that held me were always yours. I love you, Laura. I thought all that was clear on our wedding day and every day since. My life begins and ends with you and our baby."
"I feel like such a fool, Scott," she started. I'm so sorry -- it's not like me to do such a stupid, careless thing. I would never hurt our baby -- the horses got away from me. I think maybe this baby's sitting on my brain...." He placed his finger on her lips and then covered them with his mouth. "Let's not talk anymore right now," he whispered. As his lips met hers, the familiar passion he incited in her spread through her body like a wildfire. Feeling the ardor of his kiss and the way he trembled as he held her close, she wondered how she could have ever doubted him.
~ end ~